Polyamory? The Basics
As I was working on all these blog post, I thought since I am polyamorous myself and started the group why not do a post about how to get into polyamory; some tips and tricks of it and do some research in finding some good sites. Maybe next do an interview with a poly couple! So keep reading and check out the sites that I attach below to learn more about polyamory.
Polyamory - Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners.[1][2] It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".[3][4][5] People who identify as polyamorous reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.[6] Source
As we all know the number one rule when it comes to polyamory and that is Trust! Many people have been poly for years and some are just finding out about it but it is not a new thing. I know I have been personally polyamorous since high school but never knew that it had a name. It may have been different back then for me but I knew that my heart could love more than one person and I always dated more than one person all through high school, yes, of course I had some Mono relationships but mainly just poly.
As I take a look at the first site that I came across; there is one thing that is stated about Cheating that I never thought of and I loved the way that they put it because many believe that being poly is allowing partners to cheat and that is far from it.
"Poly is not cheating. [4] Cheating involves breaking an agreement with your partner about who you can be romantically and sexually involved with. In a poly situation, who you can be romantically and sexually involved with is something that partners talk about, agree and consent to." - Source
If you will take a look at this site because what I have found within it has been great, they have terminology that I did not know in the polyamory word such as “polyfidelity” which is poly people involved with more than two partners but do not accept any more partners (example from their site "three people may all be involved with one another, but not with anyone else") I believe that is the type of relationship that I like personally because if you have read any of my other posts I did have more than one partner and that was Mr. J and Misslady but Mr. J did not like this lifestyle and now it is just Misslady and myself.
Just because at this moment there are only two partners a so called Mono relationship does not mean we are not poly we just haven't found more partners. I felt I need to add that little bit there. Now as we go on...
Now do not mistake these people for what many know as swingers, swingers are people that call themselves mono but do have casual sex with other people and this is a very common practice in this day and age. Of course there is nothing wrong with this way of life and I do personally know a few people like this.
There are couples like myself and Misslady that are married so that means that our agreement is that our marriage is the primary. Even though that we are adding more partners our marriage will always come first and that is a note that I need to add here; You can not make both partners your primary, I thought that I could do this but I was sadly mistaken even though Mr. J and I were married first I did put Misslady first but there were reasons for that because before the poly relationship was started there were problems between Mr. J and I. So my advice with that is work on the marriage before adding more hearts into the picture.
As I take a look at my second source, they have a very good point in asking yourself a few questions to see if polyamory is actually right for you. So go take a look at this SITE and ask yourself these questions. - Source
Lets at a look at our next source where they talk about the difference of an Open Relationship and Polyamory they said " If people in an open relationship have romantic, loving connections with others outside the relationship, then it is polyamory. If, however, the connections outside the relationship are purely sexual, with no emotional involvement, that open relationship would not fit the definition of polyamory." - Source
Many people do get these confused at times but from what I gathered is that an open relationship is more like "hey I can have fun with you but I do have [insert partner here]. Polyamory is building a connection with more than one person and bringing that bond to the other partner(s).
Another great subject that they discussed is "Unicorns." A unicorn is a bisexual/non heterosexual person most of the time a woman that can enter a couples triad and become their everything, this person needs to be attracted to both or all partners in the current relationship. Many can say that these rare creatures are very hard to find and that is where they get the name.
Reason not to enter a polyamorous relationship : Do not enter a polyamory relationship to keep hold of your current partner, if you are not poly and they are than do not do things that you do not wish to do. Do not enter a poly relationship thinking that it is easier because it is not and I can say that from experience, you are building connections and already have one partner and all their own flaws but entering another partner you will have to deal with theirs as well and it is not simple. Many think that having another partner makes it easier with the current relationship and that is far from it.
I think I will conclude this with saying that Polyamory is a big committment and some people aren't poly but some are and that is okay, if you choose one partner or more than one that is up to you and you alone ( well if you choose you and your partners lol) but the point is no it is not normal but what is normal anyways?
Source [1] - https://www.morethantwo.com/polycatintro.html
Source [2] - https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/04/so-you-want-to-try-polyamory/
Source [3] - http://omooni.com/blog/poly-relationships-101/